the drugs.

your mind needs more
your heart wants less.
I want you, I need you
I can't keep you a secret anymore.
We have no secrets, no shame.
Just needs, silly needs, wrapped up in the sheets.
high like the clouds,
in love with the idea of us,
of us? are we an us?
or only behind closed doors, in bed...
you thrust, i want more.
you thrust again, you want more.
More love, more wants.
Less needs.
let us ride off into the hills, into the trees
where your mind needs less
and your heart wants more.

a couple of poems to start March off...

I.
The beats of the dead ring clear in my head
Walking down the once perfectly brick laid walk
stumbling between the imperfection and cigarette butts
what a long strange trip it truly has been
as the sun begins to hit the tip of the horizon
the air takes on the form of each breathe
during winter we are all dragons
breathing in the cold air, exhaling with strength and dominance
as we fight off our insecurities and mishaps that
happen over and over and over again
you can't remember the beat that helps
erase the pain, the madness, the sadness
you use the music to remember the memories
to mend the broken hearts, cure anger
keep truckin' they say as you walk down the path.





II.
The snow has covered everything
it has masked the trees, the shrubs, the truth, the lies,
the love and even the hate.
even though everything is covered
it continues to fall in good strides as we drive.
Silence has taken over the car as we drive with caution
and talk about everything but what is really necessary.
Time is limited and even knowing doesn't make it easier.
The clock counts down on the time we have
but still no one makes the first move.
the snow has covered everything,
even masked our ability to communicate.

"Oh, I say the sun don't shine forever"

The road is long and winding, grass as tall as trees
We've been driving for awhile now as the sun begins to set
To set upon our dreams, our hopes and aspirations
As the day meets the night it all comes full circle
words, I've been known for my words all my life
placing them in the right order to sound sweet
like the swooning song of a bird on a gorgeous spring day
where everything is wonderful, where everything is beautiful.
life is long and winding, with problems as tall as the trees

I have been searching all of my days...

A new adventure: Try and finish a rough draft of a novel in 30 days!  It can and will be done.  Don't be fooled it's not a love story, it's anything but! Here is the end result of day one of writing:

Somewhere in Ohio

by: Molly C. Wagar

            It only took her six days on a farm, practically in the middle of nowhere, to figure her life out.  And as Lucy Walker got into her town car she looked back at the farmhouse and the man who gave her sanity back, where it belonged.  As she waved goodbye to Pete it wasn’t sadness that overwhelmed her brain and body with emotion but, it was memories and the notion of what was will simply never be the same.

            It all began the day Lucy met Gabe Avett.  They were both new to Hollywood, serving at the same restaurant.  They hit it off from the first hello.  She was a waiter and he was the newest recruit.  They talked about the simplest of things: where they grew up, why they were in Hollywood, etc.  Lucy was skeptical about Gabe.  She thought he was good looking but she had a weird vibe that he was holding back even though she was not. 

            They were officially together for a year before Gabe was cast as the lead in an indie film.  Lucy stood by his side for the long haul, rehearsing lines, going over dialogue, helping Gabe perfect scenes.  She was his right hand man and he was hers.  Gabe knew that Lucy was more talented and showed her off to every talent agent he could find.  As the indie film began to wrap up Lucy got a call from a popular agent asking her to come in for an audition.  She of course could not turn it down and Gabe would have never let her, so she went off to Montreal while Gabe finished his last days of filming in Oregon.  When Lucy found out she got the part she and Gabe sat down and decided that they both still wanted to be together but if either of their big breaks came through and they became famous they would keep their relationship hidden from the outside world so they could still find solitude in being with one another.

            As any good story goes the two found success in the independent film world and slowly but surely made their way onto the big screen and into the hustle and bustle of young Hollywood’s elite.  Flash forward to the day their “secret” relationship was leaked on the Internet and that just might be the beginning of the end of their somewhat glamorous love affair.

          The beginning of the end started some two and a half years into their relationship when a paparazzi caught the two love birds sneaking around behind a Starbucks in Chicago.  Lucy had just signed on with Food Network to host a show about hole in the wall bars across the country and Gabe was just wrapping up his second serious motion picture.  The two sent out a joint press release stating they had been together for two years and didn’t want to hide their relationship any longer.  It was after that statement that America became infatuated with the couple.  They were finally able to be together in public and they couldn’t have seemed more in love.  They visited each other on sets and from outside looking in they seemed almost too perfect. 

Lucy got a lead role in a movie that was filming in Germany and Gabe was staying behind in the states when tabloids started running obscene headlines that America’s favorite couple was no longer.

“Hey baby just wanted to let you know that America is fucking nuts if they think I would ever leave you, I’m booking a flight to Berlin as we speak!  Hope the shoot is going well, call me when you get this, I love you Luce, goodbye.”

February 4, 2010: Time for a poem...

His eyes gave way to shadows of a fisherman in the deep blue sea
As waves come and go swaying his boat to and fro
I get drawn in and hypnotized by their magnetic regularity.
He smiles a lot, laughs a lot, looks a lot at me.
Over time he has made me love him but, the favor still remains unreturned.
As I have to hang around him masking my feelings.
I hate that he loves another but, it is what it is.
For now I will take advantage of his eyes
as I get swept away at sea to escape the reality of our love,
it just never will exist.


In other "news" the Dugger family welcomed their 19th child, now that is just obnoxious I mean I understand that they are loving people but some of those children are definitely going to have some major Mommy and Daddy issues of rebellion with the lack of attention they are receiving.  Moving on...How about Toyota and all their lies?  I really just cannot understand how or why they would lie about their brakes not working even after they found out they still tried to keep it under wraps.  Recall 8.1 Million Prius' and then let the word get out, real cool Toyota, real cool.

The Dow went down 200 points today leaving many without hope.

Lastly, Tylar Witt, the 15 year-old girl accused murdering her mother last June with her boyfriend, has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity.  What a joke...

peace and love all!

February 2, 2010: Day 2 of Black History Month

I love Black History Month.  It's quite funny that American's believe that dedicating an ENTIRE month to black history suddenly makes up for all the bullshit they have put "non" whites through for centuries.  I think it's hilarious that once it hits February black fever takes over the country.  Suddenly in every classroom a bulletin board displays a grand picture of Martin Luther King Jr., a synopsis of Rosa Parks' story of sitting on a bus, and a tiny tribute to Harriet Tubman.  My point is that the history of African American's should not be limited to one month a year but, should be celebrated and recognized throughout the year.

In the news today a couple of ridiculous headlines popped out and really made me wonder why the hell people who deliver the news decide to report such outlandish stories such as NASA possibly returning to the Moon.  Who cares?  I sure don't.  I want to hear more about this supposed terror attack that is due to happen in the near future so that we can go into a widespread panic and stereotype every "arab looking" person who passes us on the street, and freak out every time we need to get onto plane.  Why aren't they reporting on the season finale special of "Teen Mom?"  Or the season premiere of "Lost?"  Because these are the important issues that people should be aware of.

I'll leave you with one final thought:  Tiger Woods, why is America obsessed with his every move?  I for one think that the fact that people care more about who Tiger Woods is sleeping with instead of being informed citizens and knowing what is going on in the world...Haiti? world hunger? war in Iraq? the percent of America's population that don't have a place to call home?  But as long as you know what is going on in the life of Britney Spears or the flaws of the IPad everything will be okay.

peace and love,

Molly